“It’s called ghosting,” Adam was talking. “When someone disappears, cuts out all contact, just vanishes.”
“Why would Josh just disappear?” I asked. “Whatever you want to call it, he must have gone somewhere.”
“Something happened between you two, didn’t it?” Zack let the question hang in the air. “You may have been away for a year Adam, but I know you, you’re not telling everything.”
“You don’t know nothing at all Zack,” I don’t think Adam liked the two of us being there questioning him.
“I know how you can’t stop yourself from fucking guys whenever the chance arises.” Zack was getting angry. I just kind of stepped back, watching the confrontation.
“You’re just pissed because I fucked you and left for America with Sophie.” I guess Adam was determined to get his side of things across. “This has nothing to do with Josh, it’s about you and me.”
“Maybe,” Zack replied. “Maybe it’s about both me and Josh. Maybe you fucked Josh and this time it was him who left, not the other way round, this time there was no Sophie.”
“Fuck you Zack,” Adam spat that out. “You don’t know nothing.”
“That’s why we’re here. To find out, for you to tell us.” Zack said.
He seemed to calm down a bit. I don’t know why the two of them suddenly started having a go at each other, I thought they were good friends. Maybe I was wrong there, I mean it’s easy to see how Zack might have got hurt by Adam, but when he first arrived back here two weeks ago they seemed like good friends, you know, actually happy to see one another. Afterall, if Adam and Zack really didn’t get along, why would Adam have turned up looking for Zack to put him up?
“Adam, Zack,” I interupted. “What’s up between you two?”
“Nothing,” Adam replied, looking from Zack to me. “OK,” he said. “If you insist on knowing, nothing much happened between me and Josh. Yeah, we had sex. It’s not a crime for christ’s sake.”
“That all depends,” Zack spoke up.
“Look Zack, like you said, you know me. I’ve never forced anyone to do anything they didn’t want to, not you, not Josh.” Adam sounded genuine to me.
I don’t know what Zack’s relationship with Adam was like for those two months before he left for New York, but obviously there are still some unresolved issues.
“So can you guys calm down please,” I said to both of them. “I think it might help to know what happened with you and Josh, it could give a clue as to why he up and left, ghosted, if you want to call it that.”
“Fine,” Adam replied. “But ask your boyfriend to stop having a go at me.”
I ignored that last remark and gave Zack my stern look which was enough to stop him jumping right back in and picking up his argument with Adam. I made up my mind to talk to Zack about him and Adam when we were back home. He never liked to talk about himself, his past, but there’s a lot of stuff he’s holding inside of himself. The longer we were together, the more I was getting to know him, and I was starting to realise he was a bit like a volcano that might erupt at anytime, unpredictably.
“Josh and I got on really well,” Adam explained. “And it’s pretty natural that two guys sharing a bedroom could end up having sex. We did, a few times these past couple of weeks.”
I didn’t interupt him, but just listened to the history of their relationship, if it merits the label, which I seriously doubted.
“So, you know, it sort of just happened,” Adam finished.
“You mean you fucked him a few times,” Zack came back at Adam.
“Yeah, OK,” Adam admitted. “I fucked him, but it’s not like Josh didn’t enjoy it, he did. Why do you both want to know all the details of my sex life?”
“Nevermind Adam,” I replied. “I think we can see what happened, it’s clear now, thanks.”
I don’t understand why I added ‘thanks’, I didn’t dislike Adam, I did feel a bit upset that he might have treated Zack badly, but I didn’t know if he had. That I needed to get out of Zack himself, because if he had, then the same thing could have happened with Josh.
I hadn’t actually got round to asking Adam if he had told Josh about Sophie, I mean it’s possible Josh could have believed Adam was gay, it’s also possible that would be why Josh would have had sex, because he might have got a crush on Adam just like he had on me.
If any of what I was thinking was true, then it’s not difficult to see that if Josh discovered Adam wasn’t gay, or it was just sex, well that would easily explain why he up and disappeared. Maybe he blamed me and Zack for not telling him about Adam, I hated to think that might be true, but it could be why he hadn’t contacted us.
* * * * * *
When we got back to the attic I was about to switch the coffee machine on, then changed my mind and got us each a beer. “Sit down,” I told Zack. “I need you to tell me about you and Adam.”
He sat down on the bed and looked up at me, I’d taken my place on the bar stool. I think he was surprised by my insistent tone, but he had that tired look, like he was not able to counteract my demands, as if he didn’t have the energy. Which is in stark contrast to an hour ago when he exploded in front of Adam.
“We were together a couple of months,” he began. “There’s not too much to tell. He left for America with Sophie, you know all that.”
His voice sounded weary. “Come on Zack,” I pleaded. “Please share a little.”
I guess our relationship counted for him, because he gave in and told what had happened, which was a first.
“Adam as you know is bi, if you like labels, but I never knew that when we met. He liked to fuck and he’s a good looking guy, I fell for him.” Zack explained. “The first time we had sex he dominated the show, he fucked me really good in every position you can think of.”
I smiled at the idea, not really appropriate, but sometimes you just can’t help smiling, just like you can’t help getting hard, and I was getting a hard on listening.
“Adam liked it rough, he would smack my ass and fuck me, he liked getting sucked, you get the picture.” It was Zack’s turn to smile and that was a ray of sunshine across his face.
“I can see you do,” he continued. I wondered, but dismissed the idea that he could see the bulge in my jeans. “I let it all happen, I was not that experienced, and it was good sex, but just a bit one sided. Then Sophie came on the scene, his passion for me cooled and I had to admit to myself that as a relationship it was going absolutely nowhere. Which was sad, when you’ve given yourself to someone.”
I joined Zack on the bed, put my arm around him and kissed him, pulling him back to lie down next to me. “I love you,” I whispered, I really did.
We lay there together not talking, I was listening to his breathing in and out, and I was playing with his hair, touching his face and ear. I thought that if the same sort of thing had happened between Adam and Josh, then there’s the explanation for his disappearance, but where has he disappeared to?
next – meeting Lucas…